by John Jensen on 10 December 2007 with
I was sitting in our community gathering this morning, having just finished a wonderful breakfast of toast, eggs, bacon and mushrooms, and as we do each Sunday we began to discuss things that may have had a spiritual impact on our lives the previous week. A young man began to relate to the group an encounter he had with a wino, and the security staff at a night club.
by Chris Lorensson on 8 December 2007 with
I think I realised that this book, The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall, is acting like a dude with a torch– exploring the darkest and hidden corners of my mind. Places that are better left alone, because in my experience, if they need to be dealt with (further) God will bring it up as He has been so faithful to do in the past. I’m nearly halfway through, but even so, it’s not that the book explicitly talk about things like night terrors, but it’s everything between the lines that has some invisible power to light that torch.
Though it’s a great read, and an especially interesting story, I can’t say I’d recommend it to anyone who’s had a difficult and dark past. I mean that in all seriousness.
by Chris Lorensson on 7 December 2007 with
I’m going to do my best at describing this– some of you may have heard of a ‘night-terror’, most of you will probably have not. If you’ve never heard of it, skip over to this WikiPedia article to get caught up really quick.
I had night terrors chronically between the ages of 10 and 16, as far as I can remember. And if there’s anything about them that I am sure about, it’s that they’re Spiritual Experiences– not bloody genetic, like the Wiki says. But the thing I’m most interested in– which correlates with my purpose with poetry– is to attempt to convey the emotion, the feeling of the experience. To those of you who have not, or do not have night-terrors, this may be interesting, but to those of you who have had them or do have them, sorry for bringing it up and continue reading here.
On the outside
One thing the Wiki article got right is the distinct difference of a night-terror from a nightmare, mainly in that you are awake and there usually is no ‘subject’ of a night-terror, but it is based almost solely on emotion. The Wiki articles qualifies this by noting that some sufferers of night-terrors do have subjects, but that it is rare. In my case, I often could correlate mine with a real object– however that object was always existing in my mind– it was never something where I would wake up and be frightened of a thing in my room or a horror film or something. Typically, I would half-wake-up and in a completely uncontrolled fit of fear I would just wander the house aimlessly, sobbing and being terrified. Usually, my mother (or after I moved, stepmother) would wake up and caudle me back to sleep. They would typically last about 20 minutes.
On the inside
Here’s where it starts getting interesting– I distinctly remember not just a sense of terror, but how incredibly irrational it was. I was so terrified I literally could not think clearly at any point, and I think I would just exhaust myself back to sleep. I also vividly remember the feelings, and I have been able to recall them back into my heart, which even at a much older age is terrifying. Another very noteworthy point of my own experience was a distinct sense of detachment from my surroundings. My equilibrium would be off, but it was almost as if I was looking through a fisheye lens or something– everything was distorted. Generally, things would appear much farther away than they were, and it induced a feeling of meaninglessness and inability to re-enter normal life, ever again. And it came upon me like a bag of bricks– instant. Just like that. Instant 100% terror, for no apparent reason.
Maybe more later. I’m sick of thinking about it.